Xmas Chortles: Top 30 Farts & Belches

"And here we are still at the farting competition, a late entry from Kenz!"

Now come with us on a one way trip straight into the GUTTER as we present "The Top 30 Farts & Belches"! Yep, you now have access to 30 of the finest pump chuffing moments from the "Xmas Chortles" audio tapes and movie. All the classics are here including four bum-blasters from the near legendary "Uncle Kev" and some new riddler-bibbler-bubbler-bibblers from the second "Xmas Chortles" movie!
Each fart and belch has been reviewed by the Chortles team and comes with an assortment of ratings. We are also privileged to have comments about each entry from "Uncle Kev" himself! (The master speaks!) Here's an explanation of the ratings system:-

INITIAL IMPACT:- A huge and noisy bum blaster will score highly here but a feeble fart (however funny it is) may lose points ...

ON THE SPOT REACTION:- This one is for how much reaction the fart/belch caused AT THE TIME - So if there is much hilarity after the windypops then a good rating will be given.

DAMPNESS:- Speaks for itself really. If it sounds like some pants had to removed with a toffee hammer then a good dampness rating will surely follow (through).

OUR REACTION:- This rating is given to the reaction of the REVIEWERS in the room when we compiled this list. The sound was played and the response of the reviewers was then recorded as a percentage.

To download an Mp3 of the fart / belch simply click on the icon next to each review.
Let the flatulence commence!!

Name: Description: Rating: Download:

30
"Urgh!"
A bit of a "dry" burp delivered by Matt here. Quite poor considering Matts usual excellent high standard of belches but it did generate a small laugh from Kenz at the time.
"Mellow, I think" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 60%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 75%
Dampness:- 5%
Our Reaction:- 19%

Overall:- 40%

20.5k Mp3

29
"Let Rip Lee!"
After an enthusiastic introduction from Kenz who cries "Let rip Lee!" all you get is a rather pathetic "blap". Ah well.
"Kind of quaint!" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 71%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 40%
Dampness:- 5%
Our Reaction:- 1%

Overall:- 49%

66.2k Mp3

28
Mike Triple
Even though these farts from Mike aren't anything special the fact that there's THREE of them earns him bonus points. You also hear reaction from Kenz, Phil AND Mike!
"Bless him!" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 70%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 40%
Dampness:- 11%
Our Reaction:- 45%

Overall:- 41.5%

68k Mp3

27
"Hwoah"
A better belch from Matt although it gets a big fat ZERO for "On the spot Reaction" because there is actually no reaction that you can hear.
"Barney junior - not the full barney!" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 93%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 0%
Dampness:- 7%
Our Reaction:- 68%

Overall:- 42%

5.02k Mp3

26
Stereo Fart
An incredible bit of stereo arse shifting from Kenz who manages to jump from left to right microphone with his bottom. Shame it didn't cause any reaction because it's a good rumper-pumper.
"Credit there, flowing movement. Worth the effort." - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 82%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 0%
Dampness:- 89%
Our Reaction:- 78%

Overall:- 43%

77.6k Mp3

25
Bel-Lelch
This one comes courtesy of Luke - a good quality belch which didn't cause much of a stir.
"Hmmmmm" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 79%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 0%
Dampness:- 30%
Our Reaction:- 65%

Overall:- 43.5%

5.83k Mp3

24
Wet-One
Eeeeeee-yukk! As the old saying goes, that did indeed sound like "SOUP BOILING". Curry for tea was it? .
"Wet 'n' wild theme park stuff". Kev.

Initial Impact:- 49%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 10%
Dampness:- 100%
Our Reaction:- 30%

Overall:- 47%

33.3k Mp3

23
Jugga Jugga
Good reaction from the lads to this small chuff from Phil. Great build-up with the "jugga-jugga" sounds. .
"Something and nothing" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 62%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 81%
Dampness:- 0%
Our Reaction:- 63%

Overall:- 51.5%

35k Mp3

22
"Here he is"
A nice "in the background" belch from Stephen. It sounds like someone emptying the bath! .
"Unqualified" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 76%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 0%
Dampness:- 35%
Our Reaction:- 97%

Overall:- 52%

12.7k Mp3

21
"Burrrrrrr"
An extremely dry sounding burp from Stephen who found it VERY funny! .
"Duff beer" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 57%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 68%
Dampness:- 25%
Our Reaction:- 71%

Overall:- 55%

36.6k Mp3

20
Uncle Kev 4
A bit of a "double quack" from Kev. Mucho mirth from Kenz in the background too.
"That was wet" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 57%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 41%
Dampness:- 70%
Our Reaction:- 67%

Overall:- 58%

29.3k Mp3

19
"I never do farts!"
A classic "obvious" gag from the Chortles movie here - what else was going to be followed by that statement apart from a big ripper of a fart. Good stuff!
"I'll give it a B+ - Windspeed was good" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 81%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 0%
Dampness:- 83%
Our Reaction:- 71%

Overall:- 59%

21.5k Mp3

18
"First one of the night!"
This should get the award for "most painful sounding fart of the decade!" - and this was put down BEFORE Kenz ate a gargantuan chinese takeaway too!
"Oh yeah!" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 94%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 10%
Dampness:- 67%
Our Reaction:- 85%

Overall:- 64%

42.7k Mp3

17
"What was that?"
A strange fart from Kenz which is made funnier by the innocent sounding question that comes afterwards. Chortle!
"Where's the dog?" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 71%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 93%
Dampness:- 14%
Our Reaction:- 90%

Overall:- 67%

26.2k Mp3

16
Caravan Fart
An excellently loud bit of flatulence from Kenz which was let down by the lack of any reaction.
"Oooo!" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 95%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 0%
Dampness:- 90%
Our Reaction:- 90%

Overall:- 69%

14.2k Mp3

15
Bubbler
I think it was Phil who put down this beauty. An excellent "varied" fart with superb reaction from Matt. Sublime!
"Better than average, very good" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 69%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 81%
Dampness:- 52%
Our Reaction:- 76%

Overall:- 69.5%

18.9k Mp3

14
"James has been sick"
Luke lets go a gigantic belch and quickly follows it up with an amusing comment. Meanwhile, Matt rambles on the background seemingly unaffected by the huge burp!
"That's a Barney, absolutely" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 99%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 0%
Dampness:- 95%
Our Reaction:- 87%

Overall:- 70%

28.9k Mp3

13
Feeble!
After a huge build-up you are expecting a loud fart from Kenz. It's not what you get though. The unexpected sound and reaction from Matt and Kenz earn this one bonus points!
"It's all talk" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 93%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 96%
Dampness:- 0%
Our Reaction:- 92%

Overall:- 70%

101k Mp3

12
Tiny Squeaker
All I can say about this one is "Ouch!"
"It had a presence ..." - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 99%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 55%
Dampness:- 79%
Our Reaction:- 52%

Overall:- 71%

23.1k Mp3

11
"Blaah!"
Luke strikes back with ANOTHER quality belch with plenty of reaction from the lads.
"Worth the effort" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 90%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 85%
Dampness:- 45%
Our Reaction:- 88%

Overall:- 77%

24.6k Mp3

10
"Burr!"
The best bit of this one is not the belch itself, but Stephen laughing and belching at the same time afterwards. Lots of chuckling in the background too!
"Did he swallow it?" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 68%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 72%
Dampness:- 81%
Our Reaction:- 92%

Overall:- 78%

33.1k Mp3

9
"Who done that?"
A bit of a crappy fart (not literally) from Kenz which is made totally funny by the "gumby" voice in the room who asks "Who done that?" Guffaw!
"Was it worth asking about" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 85%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 97%
Dampness:- 47%
Our Reaction:- 92%

Overall:- 80%

29.3k Mp3

8
Uncle Kev 1
Totally classic piece of flatulence from Kev which was featured heavily in the Chortles audio tapes. A work of (f)art!
"No talcum powder required" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 93%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 91%
Dampness:- 59%
Our Reaction:- 90%

Overall:- 83%

52.1k Mp3

7
Rumble Plaph
A brief but hysterical fart from Kenz. Well, Matt seemed to think it was!
"Never expect the unexpected" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 100%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 100%
Dampness:- 40%
Our Reaction:- 97%

Overall:- 84%

184k Mp3

6
Uncle Kev 2
Kev puts down a monster fart much to the amusement of Kenz (chortling in the background).
"Good squeeze - well forced" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 86%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 79%
Dampness:- 90%
Our Reaction:- 85%

Overall:- 85%

19.3k Mp3

5
"Caught a whiff"
Also known as "Bib-Borb" this is introduced nicely by Kenz ("DIE!!") and causes a fantastic reaction from Mez. Epic stuff indeed.
"Great expectations - Charles Dickens!" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 88%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 92%
Dampness:- 79%
Our Reaction:- 90%

Overall:- 87%

71.3k Mp3

4
Appalled Mez
Another incredible piece of flatulence from Kenz which Mez seemed to have a problem with!
"Model T - Classic!" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 85%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 89%
Dampness:- 96%
Our Reaction:- 82%

Overall:- 88%

49.1k Mp3

3
Nooooooo No!
Believe it or not this one is from the SAME piss-up evening as the previous two farts. What had Kenz been eating? Dead cats?
"Stunning bum stuff" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 96%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 81%
Dampness:- 100%
Our Reaction:- 96%

Overall:- 93%

36.4k Mp3

2
Uncle Kev 3
Pipped at post Kev delivers a fart of volcanic proportions. Surely this should have been the number one fart! Kev was robbed!
"I'd like to thank the Indian population" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 99%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 92%
Dampness:- 92%
Our Reaction:- 91%

Overall:- 93.5%

35.4k Mp3

1
"I don't believe you!"
A ripper from Kenz which wins on the percentage ratings alone (even Kenz admits Kevs previous fart was better). A surprising winner but a beefy fart nonetheless.
"I'm gutted, but congratulations" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 99%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 94%
Dampness:- 87%
Our Reaction:- 95%

Overall:- 94%

25.2k Mp3

NOTE:- This section contains DANGEROUSLY LOUD bum-pops and burps.
We cannot be held responsible for any injuries these may cause.
Repeated playing may cause hysteria.

Take me back to the main section pleeze.

Name:	Description:	Rating:	Download:
30 "Urgh!"	A bit of a "dry" burp delivered by Matt here. Quite poor considering Matts usual excellent high standard of belches but it did generate a small laugh from Kenz at the time. "Mellow, I think" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 60% O.T.S.Reaction:- 75% Dampness:- 5% Our Reaction:- 19% Overall:- 40%	20.5k Mp3
29 "Let Rip Lee!"	After an enthusiastic introduction from Kenz who cries "Let rip Lee!" all you get is a rather pathetic "blap". Ah well. "Kind of quaint!" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 71% O.T.S.Reaction:- 40% Dampness:- 5% Our Reaction:- 1% Overall:- 49%	66.2k Mp3
28 Mike Triple	Even though these farts from Mike aren't anything special the fact that there's THREE of them earns him bonus points. You also hear reaction from Kenz, Phil AND Mike! "Bless him!" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 70% O.T.S.Reaction:- 40% Dampness:- 11% Our Reaction:- 45% Overall:- 41.5%	68k Mp3
27 "Hwoah"	A better belch from Matt although it gets a big fat ZERO for "On the spot Reaction" because there is actually no reaction that you can hear. "Barney junior - not the full barney!" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 93% O.T.S.Reaction:- 0% Dampness:- 7% Our Reaction:- 68% Overall:- 42%	5.02k Mp3
26 Stereo Fart	An incredible bit of stereo arse shifting from Kenz who manages to jump from left to right microphone with his bottom. Shame it didn't cause any reaction because it's a good rumper-pumper. "Credit there, flowing movement. Worth the effort." - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 82% O.T.S.Reaction:- 0% Dampness:- 89% Our Reaction:- 78% Overall:- 43%	77.6k Mp3
25 Bel-Lelch	This one comes courtesy of Luke - a good quality belch which didn't cause much of a stir. "Hmmmmm" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 79% O.T.S.Reaction:- 0% Dampness:- 30% Our Reaction:- 65% Overall:- 43.5%	5.83k Mp3
24 Wet-One	Eeeeeee-yukk! As the old saying goes, that did indeed sound like "SOUP BOILING". Curry for tea was it? . "Wet 'n' wild theme park stuff". Kev.	Initial Impact:- 49% O.T.S.Reaction:- 10% Dampness:- 100% Our Reaction:- 30% Overall:- 47%	33.3k Mp3
23 Jugga Jugga	Good reaction from the lads to this small chuff from Phil. Great build-up with the "jugga-jugga" sounds. . "Something and nothing" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 62% O.T.S.Reaction:- 81% Dampness:- 0% Our Reaction:- 63% Overall:- 51.5%	35k Mp3
22 "Here he is"	A nice "in the background" belch from Stephen. It sounds like someone emptying the bath! . "Unqualified" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 76% O.T.S.Reaction:- 0% Dampness:- 35% Our Reaction:- 97% Overall:- 52%	12.7k Mp3
21 "Burrrrrrr"	An extremely dry sounding burp from Stephen who found it VERY funny! . "Duff beer" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 57% O.T.S.Reaction:- 68% Dampness:- 25% Our Reaction:- 71% Overall:- 55%	36.6k Mp3
20 Uncle Kev 4	A bit of a "double quack" from Kev. Mucho mirth from Kenz in the background too. "That was wet" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 57% O.T.S.Reaction:- 41% Dampness:- 70% Our Reaction:- 67% Overall:- 58%	29.3k Mp3
19 "I never do farts!"	A classic "obvious" gag from the Chortles movie here - what else was going to be followed by that statement apart from a big ripper of a fart. Good stuff! "I'll give it a B+ - Windspeed was good" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 81% O.T.S.Reaction:- 0% Dampness:- 83% Our Reaction:- 71% Overall:- 59%	21.5k Mp3
18 "First one of the night!"	This should get the award for "most painful sounding fart of the decade!" - and this was put down BEFORE Kenz ate a gargantuan chinese takeaway too! "Oh yeah!" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 94% O.T.S.Reaction:- 10% Dampness:- 67% Our Reaction:- 85% Overall:- 64%	42.7k Mp3
17 "What was that?"	A strange fart from Kenz which is made funnier by the innocent sounding question that comes afterwards. Chortle! "Where's the dog?" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 71% O.T.S.Reaction:- 93% Dampness:- 14% Our Reaction:- 90% Overall:- 67%	26.2k Mp3
16 Caravan Fart	An excellently loud bit of flatulence from Kenz which was let down by the lack of any reaction. "Oooo!" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 95% O.T.S.Reaction:- 0% Dampness:- 90% Our Reaction:- 90% Overall:- 69%	14.2k Mp3
15 Bubbler	I think it was Phil who put down this beauty. An excellent "varied" fart with superb reaction from Matt. Sublime! "Better than average, very good" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 69% O.T.S.Reaction:- 81% Dampness:- 52% Our Reaction:- 76% Overall:- 69.5%	18.9k Mp3
14 "James has been sick"	Luke lets go a gigantic belch and quickly follows it up with an amusing comment. Meanwhile, Matt rambles on the background seemingly unaffected by the huge burp! "That's a Barney, absolutely" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 99% O.T.S.Reaction:- 0% Dampness:- 95% Our Reaction:- 87% Overall:- 70%	28.9k Mp3
13 Feeble!	After a huge build-up you are expecting a loud fart from Kenz. It's not what you get though. The unexpected sound and reaction from Matt and Kenz earn this one bonus points! "It's all talk" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 93% O.T.S.Reaction:- 96% Dampness:- 0% Our Reaction:- 92% Overall:- 70%	101k Mp3
12 Tiny Squeaker	All I can say about this one is "Ouch!" "It had a presence ..." - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 99% O.T.S.Reaction:- 55% Dampness:- 79% Our Reaction:- 52% Overall:- 71%	23.1k Mp3
11 "Blaah!"	Luke strikes back with ANOTHER quality belch with plenty of reaction from the lads. "Worth the effort" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 90% O.T.S.Reaction:- 85% Dampness:- 45% Our Reaction:- 88% Overall:- 77%	24.6k Mp3
10 "Burr!"	The best bit of this one is not the belch itself, but Stephen laughing and belching at the same time afterwards. Lots of chuckling in the background too! "Did he swallow it?" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 68% O.T.S.Reaction:- 72% Dampness:- 81% Our Reaction:- 92% Overall:- 78%	33.1k Mp3
9 "Who done that?"	A bit of a crappy fart (not literally) from Kenz which is made totally funny by the "gumby" voice in the room who asks "Who done that?" Guffaw! "Was it worth asking about" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 85% O.T.S.Reaction:- 97% Dampness:- 47% Our Reaction:- 92% Overall:- 80%	29.3k Mp3
8 Uncle Kev 1	Totally classic piece of flatulence from Kev which was featured heavily in the Chortles audio tapes. A work of (f)art! "No talcum powder required" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 93% O.T.S.Reaction:- 91% Dampness:- 59% Our Reaction:- 90% Overall:- 83%	52.1k Mp3
7 Rumble Plaph	A brief but hysterical fart from Kenz. Well, Matt seemed to think it was! "Never expect the unexpected" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 100% O.T.S.Reaction:- 100% Dampness:- 40% Our Reaction:- 97% Overall:- 84%	184k Mp3
6 Uncle Kev 2	Kev puts down a monster fart much to the amusement of Kenz (chortling in the background). "Good squeeze - well forced" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 86% O.T.S.Reaction:- 79% Dampness:- 90% Our Reaction:- 85% Overall:- 85%	19.3k Mp3
5 "Caught a whiff"	Also known as "Bib-Borb" this is introduced nicely by Kenz ("DIE!!") and causes a fantastic reaction from Mez. Epic stuff indeed. "Great expectations - Charles Dickens!" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 88% O.T.S.Reaction:- 92% Dampness:- 79% Our Reaction:- 90% Overall:- 87%	71.3k Mp3
4 Appalled Mez	Another incredible piece of flatulence from Kenz which Mez seemed to have a problem with! "Model T - Classic!" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 85% O.T.S.Reaction:- 89% Dampness:- 96% Our Reaction:- 82% Overall:- 88%	49.1k Mp3
3 Nooooooo No!	Believe it or not this one is from the SAME piss-up evening as the previous two farts. What had Kenz been eating? Dead cats? "Stunning bum stuff" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 96% O.T.S.Reaction:- 81% Dampness:- 100% Our Reaction:- 96% Overall:- 93%	36.4k Mp3
2 Uncle Kev 3	Pipped at post Kev delivers a fart of volcanic proportions. Surely this should have been the number one fart! Kev was robbed! "I'd like to thank the Indian population" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 99% O.T.S.Reaction:- 92% Dampness:- 92% Our Reaction:- 91% Overall:- 93.5%	35.4k Mp3
1 "I don't believe you!"	A ripper from Kenz which wins on the percentage ratings alone (even Kenz admits Kevs previous fart was better). A surprising winner but a beefy fart nonetheless. "I'm gutted, but congratulations" - Kev.	Initial Impact:- 99% O.T.S.Reaction:- 94% Dampness:- 87% Our Reaction:- 95% Overall:- 94%	25.2k Mp3

30

A bit of a "dry" burp delivered by Matt here. Quite poor considering Matts usual excellent high standard of belches but it did generate a small laugh from Kenz at the time."Mellow, I think" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 60% O.T.S.Reaction:- 75% Dampness:- 5% Our Reaction:- 19% Overall:- 40%

29

After an enthusiastic introduction from Kenz who cries "Let rip Lee!" all you get is a rather pathetic "blap". Ah well."Kind of quaint!" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 71% O.T.S.Reaction:- 40% Dampness:- 5% Our Reaction:- 1% Overall:- 49%

28

Even though these farts from Mike aren't anything special the fact that there's THREE of them earns him bonus points. You also hear reaction from Kenz, Phil AND Mike!"Bless him!" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 70% O.T.S.Reaction:- 40% Dampness:- 11% Our Reaction:- 45% Overall:- 41.5%

27

A better belch from Matt although it gets a big fat ZERO for "On the spot Reaction" because there is actually no reaction that you can hear."Barney junior - not the full barney!" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 93% O.T.S.Reaction:- 0% Dampness:- 7% Our Reaction:- 68% Overall:- 42%

26

An incredible bit of stereo arse shifting from Kenz who manages to jump from left to right microphone with his bottom. Shame it didn't cause any reaction because it's a good rumper-pumper."Credit there, flowing movement. Worth the effort." - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 82% O.T.S.Reaction:- 0% Dampness:- 89% Our Reaction:- 78% Overall:- 43%

25

This one comes courtesy of Luke - a good quality belch which didn't cause much of a stir."Hmmmmm" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 79% O.T.S.Reaction:- 0% Dampness:- 30% Our Reaction:- 65% Overall:- 43.5%

24

Eeeeeee-yukk! As the old saying goes, that did indeed sound like "SOUP BOILING". Curry for tea was it? ."Wet 'n' wild theme park stuff". Kev.

Initial Impact:- 49% O.T.S.Reaction:- 10% Dampness:- 100% Our Reaction:- 30% Overall:- 47%

23

Good reaction from the lads to this small chuff from Phil. Great build-up with the "jugga-jugga" sounds. ."Something and nothing" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 62% O.T.S.Reaction:- 81% Dampness:- 0% Our Reaction:- 63% Overall:- 51.5%

22

A nice "in the background" belch from Stephen. It sounds like someone emptying the bath! ."Unqualified" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 76% O.T.S.Reaction:- 0% Dampness:- 35% Our Reaction:- 97% Overall:- 52%

21

An extremely dry sounding burp from Stephen who found it VERY funny! ."Duff beer" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 57% O.T.S.Reaction:- 68% Dampness:- 25% Our Reaction:- 71% Overall:- 55%

20

A bit of a "double quack" from Kev. Mucho mirth from Kenz in the background too."That was wet" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 57% O.T.S.Reaction:- 41% Dampness:- 70% Our Reaction:- 67% Overall:- 58%

19

A classic "obvious" gag from the Chortles movie here - what else was going to be followed by that statement apart from a big ripper of a fart. Good stuff!"I'll give it a B+ - Windspeed was good" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 81% O.T.S.Reaction:- 0% Dampness:- 83% Our Reaction:- 71% Overall:- 59%

18

This should get the award for "most painful sounding fart of the decade!" - and this was put down BEFORE Kenz ate a gargantuan chinese takeaway too!"Oh yeah!" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 94% O.T.S.Reaction:- 10% Dampness:- 67% Our Reaction:- 85% Overall:- 64%

17

A strange fart from Kenz which is made funnier by the innocent sounding question that comes afterwards. Chortle!"Where's the dog?" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 71% O.T.S.Reaction:- 93% Dampness:- 14% Our Reaction:- 90% Overall:- 67%

16

An excellently loud bit of flatulence from Kenz which was let down by the lack of any reaction."Oooo!" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 95% O.T.S.Reaction:- 0% Dampness:- 90% Our Reaction:- 90% Overall:- 69%

15

I think it was Phil who put down this beauty. An excellent "varied" fart with superb reaction from Matt. Sublime!"Better than average, very good" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 69% O.T.S.Reaction:- 81% Dampness:- 52% Our Reaction:- 76% Overall:- 69.5%

14

Luke lets go a gigantic belch and quickly follows it up with an amusing comment. Meanwhile, Matt rambles on the background seemingly unaffected by the huge burp!"That's a Barney, absolutely" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 99% O.T.S.Reaction:- 0% Dampness:- 95% Our Reaction:- 87% Overall:- 70%

13

After a huge build-up you are expecting a loud fart from Kenz. It's not what you get though. The unexpected sound and reaction from Matt and Kenz earn this one bonus points!"It's all talk" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 93% O.T.S.Reaction:- 96% Dampness:- 0% Our Reaction:- 92% Overall:- 70%

12

All I can say about this one is "Ouch!""It had a presence ..." - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 99% O.T.S.Reaction:- 55% Dampness:- 79% Our Reaction:- 52% Overall:- 71%

11

Luke strikes back with ANOTHER quality belch with plenty of reaction from the lads."Worth the effort" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 90% O.T.S.Reaction:- 85% Dampness:- 45% Our Reaction:- 88% Overall:- 77%

10

The best bit of this one is not the belch itself, but Stephen laughing and belching at the same time afterwards. Lots of chuckling in the background too!"Did he swallow it?" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 68% O.T.S.Reaction:- 72% Dampness:- 81% Our Reaction:- 92% Overall:- 78%

9

A bit of a crappy fart (not literally) from Kenz which is made totally funny by the "gumby" voice in the room who asks "Who done that?" Guffaw!"Was it worth asking about" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 85% O.T.S.Reaction:- 97% Dampness:- 47% Our Reaction:- 92% Overall:- 80%

8

Totally classic piece of flatulence from Kev which was featured heavily in the Chortles audio tapes. A work of (f)art!"No talcum powder required" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 93% O.T.S.Reaction:- 91% Dampness:- 59% Our Reaction:- 90% Overall:- 83%

7

A brief but hysterical fart from Kenz. Well, Matt seemed to think it was!"Never expect the unexpected" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 100% O.T.S.Reaction:- 100% Dampness:- 40% Our Reaction:- 97% Overall:- 84%

6

Kev puts down a monster fart much to the amusement of Kenz (chortling in the background)."Good squeeze - well forced" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 86% O.T.S.Reaction:- 79% Dampness:- 90% Our Reaction:- 85% Overall:- 85%

5

Also known as "Bib-Borb" this is introduced nicely by Kenz ("DIE!!") and causes a fantastic reaction from Mez. Epic stuff indeed."Great expectations - Charles Dickens!" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 88% O.T.S.Reaction:- 92% Dampness:- 79% Our Reaction:- 90% Overall:- 87%

4

Another incredible piece of flatulence from Kenz which Mez seemed to have a problem with!"Model T - Classic!" - Kev.

A bit of a "dry" burp delivered by Matt here. Quite poor considering Matts usual excellent high standard of belches but it did generate a small laugh from Kenz at the time.
"Mellow, I think" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 60%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 75%
Dampness:- 5%
Our Reaction:- 19%

Overall:- 40%

After an enthusiastic introduction from Kenz who cries "Let rip Lee!" all you get is a rather pathetic "blap". Ah well.
"Kind of quaint!" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 71%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 40%
Dampness:- 5%
Our Reaction:- 1%

Overall:- 49%

Even though these farts from Mike aren't anything special the fact that there's THREE of them earns him bonus points. You also hear reaction from Kenz, Phil AND Mike!
"Bless him!" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 70%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 40%
Dampness:- 11%
Our Reaction:- 45%

Overall:- 41.5%

A better belch from Matt although it gets a big fat ZERO for "On the spot Reaction" because there is actually no reaction that you can hear.
"Barney junior - not the full barney!" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 93%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 0%
Dampness:- 7%
Our Reaction:- 68%

Overall:- 42%

An incredible bit of stereo arse shifting from Kenz who manages to jump from left to right microphone with his bottom. Shame it didn't cause any reaction because it's a good rumper-pumper.
"Credit there, flowing movement. Worth the effort." - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 82%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 0%
Dampness:- 89%
Our Reaction:- 78%

Overall:- 43%

This one comes courtesy of Luke - a good quality belch which didn't cause much of a stir.
"Hmmmmm" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 79%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 0%
Dampness:- 30%
Our Reaction:- 65%

Overall:- 43.5%

Eeeeeee-yukk! As the old saying goes, that did indeed sound like "SOUP BOILING". Curry for tea was it? .
"Wet 'n' wild theme park stuff". Kev.

Initial Impact:- 49%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 10%
Dampness:- 100%
Our Reaction:- 30%

Overall:- 47%

Good reaction from the lads to this small chuff from Phil. Great build-up with the "jugga-jugga" sounds. .
"Something and nothing" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 62%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 81%
Dampness:- 0%
Our Reaction:- 63%

Overall:- 51.5%

A nice "in the background" belch from Stephen. It sounds like someone emptying the bath! .
"Unqualified" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 76%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 0%
Dampness:- 35%
Our Reaction:- 97%

Overall:- 52%

An extremely dry sounding burp from Stephen who found it VERY funny! .
"Duff beer" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 57%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 68%
Dampness:- 25%
Our Reaction:- 71%

Overall:- 55%

A bit of a "double quack" from Kev. Mucho mirth from Kenz in the background too.
"That was wet" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 57%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 41%
Dampness:- 70%
Our Reaction:- 67%

Overall:- 58%

A classic "obvious" gag from the Chortles movie here - what else was going to be followed by that statement apart from a big ripper of a fart. Good stuff!
"I'll give it a B+ - Windspeed was good" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 81%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 0%
Dampness:- 83%
Our Reaction:- 71%

Overall:- 59%

This should get the award for "most painful sounding fart of the decade!" - and this was put down BEFORE Kenz ate a gargantuan chinese takeaway too!
"Oh yeah!" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 94%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 10%
Dampness:- 67%
Our Reaction:- 85%

Overall:- 64%

A strange fart from Kenz which is made funnier by the innocent sounding question that comes afterwards. Chortle!
"Where's the dog?" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 71%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 93%
Dampness:- 14%
Our Reaction:- 90%

Overall:- 67%

An excellently loud bit of flatulence from Kenz which was let down by the lack of any reaction.
"Oooo!" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 95%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 0%
Dampness:- 90%
Our Reaction:- 90%

Overall:- 69%

I think it was Phil who put down this beauty. An excellent "varied" fart with superb reaction from Matt. Sublime!
"Better than average, very good" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 69%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 81%
Dampness:- 52%
Our Reaction:- 76%

Overall:- 69.5%

Luke lets go a gigantic belch and quickly follows it up with an amusing comment. Meanwhile, Matt rambles on the background seemingly unaffected by the huge burp!
"That's a Barney, absolutely" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 99%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 0%
Dampness:- 95%
Our Reaction:- 87%

Overall:- 70%

After a huge build-up you are expecting a loud fart from Kenz. It's not what you get though. The unexpected sound and reaction from Matt and Kenz earn this one bonus points!
"It's all talk" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 93%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 96%
Dampness:- 0%
Our Reaction:- 92%

Overall:- 70%

All I can say about this one is "Ouch!"
"It had a presence ..." - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 99%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 55%
Dampness:- 79%
Our Reaction:- 52%

Overall:- 71%

Luke strikes back with ANOTHER quality belch with plenty of reaction from the lads.
"Worth the effort" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 90%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 85%
Dampness:- 45%
Our Reaction:- 88%

Overall:- 77%

The best bit of this one is not the belch itself, but Stephen laughing and belching at the same time afterwards. Lots of chuckling in the background too!
"Did he swallow it?" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 68%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 72%
Dampness:- 81%
Our Reaction:- 92%

Overall:- 78%

A bit of a crappy fart (not literally) from Kenz which is made totally funny by the "gumby" voice in the room who asks "Who done that?" Guffaw!
"Was it worth asking about" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 85%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 97%
Dampness:- 47%
Our Reaction:- 92%

Overall:- 80%

Totally classic piece of flatulence from Kev which was featured heavily in the Chortles audio tapes. A work of (f)art!
"No talcum powder required" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 93%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 91%
Dampness:- 59%
Our Reaction:- 90%

Overall:- 83%

A brief but hysterical fart from Kenz. Well, Matt seemed to think it was!
"Never expect the unexpected" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 100%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 100%
Dampness:- 40%
Our Reaction:- 97%

Overall:- 84%

Kev puts down a monster fart much to the amusement of Kenz (chortling in the background).
"Good squeeze - well forced" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 86%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 79%
Dampness:- 90%
Our Reaction:- 85%

Overall:- 85%

Also known as "Bib-Borb" this is introduced nicely by Kenz ("DIE!!") and causes a fantastic reaction from Mez. Epic stuff indeed.
"Great expectations - Charles Dickens!" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 88%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 92%
Dampness:- 79%
Our Reaction:- 90%

Overall:- 87%

Another incredible piece of flatulence from Kenz which Mez seemed to have a problem with!
"Model T - Classic!" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 85%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 89%
Dampness:- 96%
Our Reaction:- 82%

Overall:- 88%

Believe it or not this one is from the SAME piss-up evening as the previous two farts. What had Kenz been eating? Dead cats?
"Stunning bum stuff" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 96%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 81%
Dampness:- 100%
Our Reaction:- 96%

Overall:- 93%

Pipped at post Kev delivers a fart of volcanic proportions. Surely this should have been the number one fart! Kev was robbed!
"I'd like to thank the Indian population" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 99%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 92%
Dampness:- 92%
Our Reaction:- 91%

Overall:- 93.5%

A ripper from Kenz which wins on the percentage ratings alone (even Kenz admits Kevs previous fart was better). A surprising winner but a beefy fart nonetheless.
"I'm gutted, but congratulations" - Kev.

Initial Impact:- 99%
O.T.S.Reaction:- 94%
Dampness:- 87%
Our Reaction:- 95%

Overall:- 94%