It's the Xmas Chortles Music Section!  Blinking flip!

Welcome to the incredible and unbelievable (?!) Xmas Chortles music section. Now at long last you can download and play every single piece of music which has been produced by assorted beings for the 'Xmas Chortles' legacy.

Quite a few people have churned out tracks which either feature samples and oddness from the tapes / movie or who have actually composed soundtracks for the film. All you have to do is read the blurbs below, click on the name of the track if you fancy hearing it or, go and do something less boring instead.

There are three main types of music in this section. Firstly, there's the good old Mp3's which can be played in anything that supports the Mp3 format (Winamp, Sonique etc). The Mp3's generally feature newer stuff that has been made including tracks composed for the second Xmas Chortles movie!!

Secondly, there's the .MOD files (made famous by the Amiga). You will need something like Winamp or ModPlug (or an Amiga!) to play these suckers. All the mods have been Zipped to conserve valuable webspace.

Finally there's a .SID file which can be played with SidPlay, PlaySID (on the Amiga) or even Winamp if you have the right plugin. Our thanks to FeekZoid for bringing the strange world of 'Xmas Chortles' to the Commodore 64!

Download, enjoy, and please note that the Xmas Chortles team accepts no responsibility for the loss of sanity when listening to these tunes ... !

Chortle Kombat.mp3 by Tonka (921k)

This is a 1 minute extract from an AMAZING track which Tonka made for the second 'Chortles' movie. It's 'loosely' (hehe!) based on the theme from Mortal Kombat and will be featured in the 'Starring' section in the new film. Tonka has done an awesome job with this track and Mat has also rendered some stunning visuals which match this track very nicely!

Funny.mp3 by Mat Recardo (285k)

This little baby dropped into my email inbox one day from Mat who produced it just for a larf! It's basically a popular (?) CD track which has had some assorted Xmas Chortles samples mixed in with it. This little tune actually gave me the idea to do the mighty '*BLAM!* Chortles Mix'! Listen out for the 'inspired' ending!

Twin Peaks Chortles.mp3 by Kenz & Collett (333k)

This isn't a tune composed for the film, it's actually an extract from a scene in Xmas Chortles 2! I wanted to do a gag in the style of 'Twin Peaks' where the characters say their lines backwards and then the film is played backwards so the lines are played forwards (in a bizarre distorted fashion). See if you can work out everything we were trying to say (and mind out for the harsh language!) Wait 'til you see the actual footage we shot for this scene, it's STRANGE!!

*Blam!* Chortles Mix.mp3 by Kenz, Mez & Collett & Mat (1.85mb)

Blimey, where do I start with this monster of a track?! Well, I was given the tune by my Bruv (Cheers, Macca!) and I thought I'd add some Chortles samples like Mat did with 'funny.mp3'. So I added a sample, then another, then another and in the end I completely vandalised the WHOLE song! The download features the first two minutes of the track ... The film will feature the full five minute stereo mix and this track will be used as the end credits music for 'Xmas Chortles 2'!! This is a good way to hear some of the mad stuff that will be featured in the second Chortles movie!!

Shh...Chortles (CutDownMix).mp3 by Rich Morrish (3.27mb)

This amusing collage of profanity and flatulence was produced by my chum Rich. As well as a thumping beat it features some real riddler bibbler bubbler bibbling farts along with plenty of genuinely surreal moments. That's what Xmas Chortles is all about!

Xmas Chortles Ditty 2000.mp3 by FeekZoid (1.14mb)

FeekZoid has put together this very pleasant ditty which is loosely based on some of the 'chip style' mods he did for the Xmas Chortles game on the Amiga. About 1 min 30 secs into the tune you can hear the familiar sounding tune which was used in the cutscenes in the Chortles game. Nice!

Xmas Chortling.zip by FeekZoid (828k)

This Zip file actually contains two .mod files by FeekZoid. This tune was so big and featured so many samples it had to be split into two halves! The resulting tracks were used in the FeekZoid Syncro-Video that was featured in the Special Edition version of the first Xmas Chortles movie (which I'm rather proud of I might add!) There's some cunningly mixed in 2-Unlimited and Cappella stuff extracts in the first mod (and lots of harsh language, sorry!!) Brilliant stuff from the Zoider!!

Xmas Chortles.zip by Andy Roberts (510k)

This (in)famous tune was featured in an Amiga slideshow called 'Wossis Sh*t 2' (which contained lots of Chortles pix) and it was also used in the Special Edition version of the 'Xmas Chortles' film (in the 'Starring' section). There's lots of cool old Chortles samples in this one and it's a nice tune to boot ... "Oh, there's poo on the floor!" Chortle!

New Year Chortles.zip by Andy Roberts (510k)

Done in a similar style to the two FeekZoid 'Xmas Chortling' mods, this Zip file contains ANOTHER two huge mods packed with Chortles samples! This time it's Andy Roberts taking the helm of Protracker to bring you more shouting and swearing courtesy of the Chortles team. The samples in this track are taken from as-yet-unreleased audio material recorded on New Years Eve 1991! Both parts of this rave were joined together and used on footage featured AFTER the first Xmas Chortles movie.
"Ruby Wax IS a man!"

Xmas Chortles 2 Intro Preview.zip by FeekZoid (517k)

FeekZoid arranged this incredible module for the opening titles of Xmas Chortles 2. Sadly, it was never used as FeekZoid was determined to do an upated version with his MIDI gear. It's an amazing track that would have fit the title sequence perfectly (if only he could have got around the problems with those 8-bit samples somehow) ... Download this track to hear FeekZoid doing a film-style soundtrack!!

Xmas Chortles (Rich Mix).zip by Rich Morrish (527k)

Here we have a clinically strange (but amusing nonetheless) track arranged by Rich Morrish. It features plenty of strange cartoon sound effects which seem to merge well with the assorted bizarre rantings from the Chortles crew. Rich has also incorporated some, er, 'unusual' renditions of various well-known tracks. "Battery warning that then you b*stard!"

You know my name (Mezmix).zip by Kenz (126k)

Mez decided to have a little sing on the third 'Chortles' audio tape and then Kenz decided to sample it all in and stick it all together. Why? Because he is clearly a loony. Now you can enjoy Mez's little song time and time again in Amiga mod-o-vision. "You know my naaammmmeeeee! OOOOwwwww!"

The Game Music
Now you can download EVERY tune from the Xmas Chortles game!!

Xmas Chortles (Game Intro).zip by FeekZoid (117k)

This was made for the intro sequence of the Xmas Chortles video game. It's a very nice film-style track (to match the film style intro) and it even features a cameo appearance from the 'Knucklebusters' music on the C64 (well, the bass-line anyway!). For technical reasons this wasn't used in the game but at least now you can get to hear it at last! Listen for the Shreeve-esque ending too!!

Xmas Chortles (BBC2 gag).zip by Mat Recardo (40k)

You hear this when you first load up the Xmas Chortles game. An authentic looking BBC2 logo fades in and the announcer says "This is BBC2, now XMAS CHORTLES!!!". Hehe!

Xmas Chortles (Game Title).zip by FeekZoid (117k)

I LOVE THIS TUNE!! Somehow, FeekZoid managed to take elements from his massive 'Xmas Chortling' mods and condense them into 147k!! He had to lose the daft Xmas Chortles audio samples to get this track to fit in the game but the end result is a very nice game title theme! I seem to remember that Mat had to fiddle with this track so it would play in Amos. This is the UNEDITED original version that FeekZoid submitted for the game.

Xmas Chortles (Game Jingle 1).zip by FeekZoid (2k!)

This SMALL and NOISY little track was used in the cutscenes in the games. A remixed and updated version of this track can also be downloaded from this section (Xmas Chortles Ditty 2000.mp3). It's sort of done in the style of the fine C64 musician Matt Gray I reckon.

Xmas Chortles (Game Jingle 2).zip by FeekZoid (2k!)

Here's another small mod by the Zoid. This one wasn't actually used in the game which is a good job ... Looking at the sample text it would seem that FeekZoid was not at all pleased with this tune! (But it's a rare and unreleased track so, er, there!)

Xmas Chortles (Ghostie).zip by Mat Recardo (22k)

This nice little tune is played as the 'ghost' of your dead character flies slowly towards the top of the screen (complete with flapping 'angel wings'!)

Xmas Chortles (Game Over).zip by Mat Recardo (23k)

A very brief GAME OVER jingle from Mat Here. There's a great piccy that is displayed when this tune is played, it's of a finger pointing at a little disembodied dolls hand we spotted on the beach of Weston-Super-Mare! Odd.

Xmas Chortles (Game Complete Tune).zip by FeekZoid (60k)

This is the lovely 'Shadow of the Beast' style track that FeekZoid composed for the Xmas Chortles GAME COMPLETE tune. Mat put together a lengthy film-style credits sequence for part of game end sequence and this track backed that perfectly. Nice!


Xmas Chortles (X-Rated SID Version).zip by FeekZoid (29k)

And for the final Chortles track we return to the halcyon days of the mighty Commodore 64! This .sid file is a 1 channel digi tune which FeekZoid produced for the Xmas Chortles Karaoke demo on the C64! (You will need a SID compatible player to play it). This has the dubious honour of being one of the only ever C64 digi tunes to feature SWEARING! I also believe this track was played ON AIR on a C64 radio show (it was mentioned on their playlist!!) Lumme!

What happens when SID takes over your life?
Here's the proof that all is not well in the mental world of SID...

Arkanoid by the Xmas Chortles Mob

Firstly, the Xmas Chortles team tackle this noisy Galway classic. Note how the hectic drums are authentically reproduced using vocal effects (by Matt and Kenz) with Phil adding some unusual "noteplexing" effects in the background. This Mpeg actually features TWO separate versions of the tune which have been seamlessly linked together using a hugely obvious join (with gigantic difference in sound quality). If only Galway knew what was happening with his music!

Arkanoid (minus the sampled farts and burps!)

Defender of the Crown by the Xmas Chortles Mob

This is an interesting concept. Rather than do a rendition of a tune from the game Matt is actually reacting to one of the pictures in the game (the line of men with trumpets announcing the start of tournament). Only a Commodore 64 game can generate this amount of excitement in a human being. If you are wondering why there is a "hand pump" present right at the end of the mpeg then don't ask us, it's an "Xmas Chortles" thing!

Trumpet trumpet trumpet!

F1 Simulator by the Xmas Chortles Mob

Here we have a rather spirited (but not in the alcoholic sense) mix of the Formula 1 Simulator theme (originally by Mr Hubbard). Matt impressively takes on the lead while Kenz swears away in the background and Phil brings up the rear (oo-er). The harsh language has been toned down with a cunningly pasted beep! "I like the way we captured Robs subtle use of drums in this tune" - Kenz.

Doosh!  Doosh!  Doosh!

Fungus by the Xmas Chortles Mob

On a similar note, rather than imitate the simplistic music in this budget romp, Phil has decided to concoct a little song inspired by the game itself. Apologies to any Chinese people who may be listening - the "Xmas Chortles" team was thinking about food whilst playing this game (and had a lovely Chinese meal afterwards). We are (fairly) sure that Phil will not find this Mpeg embarrassing in any way at all and will not demand its immediate deletion from the universe.

He had a chinese meal for tea!

Ghosts 'n' Goblins by the Xmas Chortles Mob

Phil kicks off this rendition of the spooky Mark Cooksey track and Kenz barges in with a massively out of tune version (which was done deliberately, it says here!) Note how Kenz also cunningly includes a request to "turn the disk over" in the middle of the lead section before he rambles on and destroys the "oooOOOooo!" part of the tune. The abrupt ending was also done deliberately as the slideshow screen being displayed had changed at that point.

Here comes the shoes!

Glider Rider by the Xmas Chortles Mob

This frantic Dave Whittaker track (arguably one of his finest C64 tunes) is emulated by the hugely talented Matt and Kenz double-act. Matt tackles the lead section while Kenz adds some background "wibbles". The end result sounds remarkably nothing like the C64 original. Well, it does a bit ...

Glider Rider - crap and uncontrollable??

Head Over Heels by the Xmas Chortles Mob

Phil takes centre stage for his hearty rendition of this Peter Clarke tune. Kenz joins in by providing some of the backing effects and Matt can also be heard (right at the start) stating that the loading screen is "Very colourful" - Which it indeed is.

Don't stand in that tray of turds Heels! - Too late!

Human Race by the Xmas Chortles Mob

Matt tackles this Hubbard oldie almost single-handedly (with some backing assistance from Kenz). The high-pitched noises in the background were generated by Phil (although these may only be audible to animals who can pick up high frequencies - dogs and bats for example).

Tweet tweet tweet tweet!

Hunter Patrol by the Xmas Chortles Mob

Kenz valiantly attempts this Hubbard track with lots of distractions happening in the background. Luke orders somebody to "rescue the prisoner" whilst Kenz murders this tune. Why? Because the lads were playing "Into the Eagles Nest" at the time. Odd! This is a nice clear recording due to the fact the footage still had the hi-fi stereo sound intact. Treat!

Dagga dagga dagga!  Whee!  Boom!  Etc.

IO by the Xmas Chortles Mob

The comments at the start suggest that Matt and Kenz like this tune - or are they just being hugely sarcastic? You decide! The lads try to emulate the Dave Whittaker sounds for this track and fail miserably - although Matt makes up for this with his great "lyric!" Hehehe! There's a weird join in the middle of this Mpeg due to the fact that Matt went on about watching the footage while eating dinner which was just too exciting to be left in (?!)

My brother is Bob!

Miami Vice by the Xmas Chortles Mob

Matt attempts the cosmic title tune while Phil wades in with the in-game theme. Unfortunately, Phil doesn't get far as he finds his noisy Galway rendition far too funny to continue. This makes for an extremely brief Mpeg (lasting only 4 seconds in total!)

You're off the case, you're in too deep!

Outrun by the Xmas Chortles Mob

Oh dear! Not content with wrecking the main theme, the lads also try to emulate the "sea" effects from the game! (Complete with mass of microphone distortion!) Kenz supplies the wonderful (?) main rendition (which goes hugely out of sync with the C64 music in the background) before it goes, erm, "BIZARRE"!

This mix of Outrun is ...  Bizarre!

Pacland by the Xmas Chortles Mob

This game had a few memorable scenes in the "Xmas Chortles" movie (which included some harsh language from Phil and very strange sound effect from Matt). This Mpeg actually features material which wasn't included in the film itself - it's from later in the game where the lads try to do a cover version of a very jolly in-game tune. Kenz does the main section while Matt and Phil supply backing noises.

Oh, *beeping* hell Kenz, you put me off my *beep*!

Platoon by the Xmas Chortles Mob

Kenz once again takes the lead and attempts to emulate this punchy Jon Dunn soundtrack. In the background you will hear Phil making "machine gun" style noises. This actually resulted in Phil foaming at the mouth and having his face covered in flob - hence the laughter at the end! Hehe!

Why?

Pro Skateboard Simulator by the Xmas Chortles Mob

Matt turns into a human beatbox here as he gets down to the funky digi drums in the in-game soundtrack. He actually did this for about FIVE MINUTES in total but we have shortened it to a more manageable 10 seconds! He winds up to a bit of a frenzy near the end and adds a touch of Kraftwerk to the track (somehow!)

This is a well radical game! - David Darling

Rambo by the Xmas Chortles Mob

Another solo effort from Matt, this time emulating the meaty sound of Martin Galway's Rambo loading tune. The rendition starts off well before it is interrupted by Phils (un)remarkable Sly Stallone impression. Interestingly, Matt doing an impression of Phils impression is slightly more embarrassing (but isn't featured in the Mpeg - sorry Chortles fans!)

Don't push me!

Spellbound by the Xmas Chortles Mob

Matt and Kenz decide to tackle one of the jingles from this ancient budget title. They don't quite manage to do the whole tune which means we end up with an Mpeg which lasts for a meagre 5 seconds. Ah well!

Aaaaaaargh!  My thumb is burning!!

Stormlord by the Xmas Chortles Mob

Su-su-su-Stormlord! Nope, not the intro tune - it's the fine in-game music which takes a beating this time. The lads quietly build-up the backing sounds and Matt even ad-libs some lyrics in the form of the phrase "Chicken Vinda!" (Thinking about food AGAIN?!) The game then ends and so an odd rendition of the game over tune just had to be done (badly).

Naked busty fairies in pots?  Phwoar!

Thing on a Spring by the Xmas Chortles Mob

Poor old Matt unwittingly takes centre stage (again) and delivers a laid back rendition of the Hubbard classic. You also get a FREE bonus with this Mpeg - The lads have some fun with the game sound effects! "BOOOIIING!" You lucky, lucky people!

Boing boing boing ...  BOOOIIING!

Thunderbolt by the Xmas Chortles Mob

As this track is so short on the C64 you almost get the whole tune in this Mpeg!! Kenz is responsible for this quick remix while Matt is amazed that Kenz can remember the tune at all. While this is happening Phil has noticed the slideshow picture has changed to "Master of Magic" and starts to do the business with that tune (I.E. Massacre it!)

This game isn't like Uridium at all!  Honest!

Had enough?

Spectrum Burning by the Xmas Chortles Mob

By now you should have lost the will to live... time to find a suicide booth!

Credits to Matt Walton, Phil Walton and Jason "Kenz" Mackenzie
for the noisy C64 remixes sampled by Waz Pilkington!!


The SID is not enough!

Far too much musical tomfoolery for my liking!
Get me out of here!